Thursday, April 28, 2005

Pesach (Patu'ach)

Well, as we are all bored to the buttom of our blogliness, I figured this will be a good opportunity to share some words of matzah. As I am visiting the Gateway to the West in the Show Me State, I realized that there isn't much to do especially when my laptop is ill and recovering slowly. Honestly it's pretty difficult to survive without our favorite network. But fear not - on Monday we will catch up with the latest West Wings and popcorn too.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

*ahem* posting...posting...1...2...3...

single male looking for a ride back from baltimore at the finis de yom tov
please inform
gut moeid

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Oh master, where art thou?

Eight days have sorrowfully passed,
Since the blog saw Shmulik last;
When his pent-up rage maliciously surfaced,
To attack me was his only purpose.
But, pray tell, whence came he,
to pounce and gnaw so furiously?
And, pray tell, where can be,
Shmulik's mirthful curiosity?
Preemptively assassinated, perhaps,
or taking yuppie power naps?
Crikey's hostage for a day,
frozen in fright, there to stay?
Shmulik may come,
and Shmulik may go,
but Shmulik how we love you so.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Gifts gone Bad

Apparently, now I know why my gift never made it to Diana.

The B-day Gift -- Prince Charming!

So I know you all wanted a picture of THE birthday girl (or as Josh pointed out, the old hag...). So here she is with her prince charming brought to her by Orlee. Orlee apologizes for not being able to find a turtle so prince charming will have to do (till next year of course!) Posted by Hello

Diana's Present

Camp SOY
Diana's party tonight was an event enjoyed by all that attended, but I'll leave the details of the party for someone else to describe.
For Princess Diana's birthday we felt it only appropriate that she don a tiara as a true princess would. Every princess needs a prince charming and to that affect a prince in the guise of the frog was presented to our beloved Princess. May Prince Charming and Princess Diana live happily ever after.

First things first....

For the moment you've all (ok, fine only Josh) been waiting for...a picture of Crikey our Camp SOY mascot! (It's ok Shmulik, don't cry he's dead already) Josh, he's please to meet your acquaintance!
Posted by Hello

Monday, April 18, 2005

Over the Hill

Alright, campers. Time to wish DianaNow a very merry birthday. She loves attention. And her father would love to remind her that she's not getting any younger...

I'd love to see some birthday pics...

Sunday, April 17, 2005


If Camp SOY were to go somewhere for Pesach, where would it be? Miami Beach to catch some sun? Poconos- to catch some food? Israel-to catch some Torah? Florence- to get away from Jews?

All I know is that if I could do it all over again, I'd go to Russia for Pesach on one of those programs. For one, the food can't really be much worse than regular Pesach food. Two, I could really sound very impressive at work if I had "extensive travel to Russia" under my belt. They relocate people for a quarter million dollars to get experience in "emerging marketplaces."

Darn. And I missed out on the coed trip thing too.

Friday, April 15, 2005

The Nuggie Sandwich

The Nuggie Sandwich Posted by Hello

I hereby present to all of you a picture of the amazing Nuggie Sandwich, delivered by Judd to Shmulik on account of bad behavior, publicly at the Seforim Sale (around 2AM). You should all seriously consider a number of things: 1) don't ever cross Judd or you might get a Nuggie 2) Shmulik TOTALLY deserved it and 3) It was really funny to watch! I apologize for the fuzziness of the photo, but it was my camera phone... I'll do better next time! Till then, enjoy!

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Mr. Cutie Pie

Mr. Cutie Pie. Posted by Hello

Shmulik, my nephew will be vying with you for president, and I'd like to see how you fare. It's soooo over, your reign of terror is over before it has even started. My nephew is firm, fortitudinous, and has plans to take YU where it has never gone before. Shmulik, meet your match.

Shmulik Chwosenberg meets Crikey and goes berserk.

A very interesting phenomenon occurred last night, which, parenthetically, is both a disgrace to all males and, more broadly, to all humans.
Diana decided to surprise Shmulik with Crikey, your friendly, neighborhood, severed baby alligator head. Diana posited that Shmulik would freak out upon laying eyes on on Crikey, to which I replied I couldn't believe, seeing at is an inanimate object that doesn't even have a bottom to its head. Boy was I wrong.
So Shmulik walks in, Diana slowly unwraps the alligator out of its plastic baggies, takes it out, and moves towards Shmulik, whereupon Shmulik about-faced and ran from the room shrieking like a little girl. I must note that I have never seen Shmulik move with such gusto. I'm sorry to say that those who didn't see his face missed out on about a 5-minute, lengthy bout of laughter. Upon returning, Shmulik once again flipped out when he saw it, making rapid gesticulations to protect himself in the midst of producing incredibly funny faces.
When asked what all the commotion was for, Shmulik mumbled something about snakes; we didn't understand what he meant but I think he was trying to connect alligator and snake through their reptilian origins. In any case, we tried to explain that Crikey is just a head and is inanimate, to which he replied "I hate animals". We once again tried to explain that Crikey is dead, but our explanations fell on deaf ears.
I think Diana's boss has discovered the kryptonite that will help us control Shmulik.
Thank you Diana's boss.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

A Thousand Words

If anybody has some Camp SOY pics they'd like to share, or videos for that matter, there is a way to share them on this blog. Send them to me, and I'll get them put up. Because this blog is about laughing at each other, and nothing makes you snort your milk up your snout like humiliating pictures/videos of coworkers/friends. I don't like putting my email on the internet, so take five seconds to ask one of your fellow SOYers how to reach me if you don't know how to already. Bonus points if you're female and single.

A New Generation

I don't know if everybody out there fully appreciates this, but Shmulik has really made a significant number of improvements to the Sale. Most glaring would be the transfer of the sale to Weisberg Commons. I want everybody to reach deep inside and share with the group what they feel is Shmulik's biggest contribution. Some of you are too young to know me or what things were like in the past, but let me remind you - Shmulik is still probably even younger than you...

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Fun and Games

One of the best games ever invented first appeared at the Seforim Sale last year. You may never have heard of it, but that should be no indication of how famous the game is. It just shows how out of the loop you are.

The game was called "Name the Animal that Josh would think I am." The rules were simple. Everybody goes around in a circle, taking turns saying what animal they would be compared to. Not in their own eyes. Not in the eyes of those around them. But in my eyes. Popular variations included making animal noises, explaining your answers, and, yes, sadly, calling me to tell me the results.

Post your own here.

It's Time

So I have been sitting here all this time reading your words of wisdom and it's time to end my misery. I AM RESPONDING (as if that’s not obvious.)
The truth is that I was caught up with a serious security investigation on a lost ____ (censored.) It was a wonderful opportunity for Eli to use our fake cameras to locate the breach. Finally, together with our neighbors, and commanders, we were able track it all back to Set Land. We herby give you Mr. Will work for Tur an opportunity to step forward and confess for your despicable behavior.

Having said that, it feels good to be back!

Monday, April 11, 2005


Camp SOY
DianaNOW was seen today devoid of any black clothing and accessories. Even her shoes were a color, tan. One almost had to wear sunglasses in order not to be blinded by the brightness of her colored clothing.

A plea for help.

The blog is dying because Shmulik's infernal machinations have shut it down. He has also kidnapped Josh and is holding him ransom in that little room in his office.
To bring the blog back online and secure Josh's freedom large cash donations will be necessary. These donations are to be dropped off in Mivtzar Shel HaNassi Shmulik.
Thank you for your cooperation.

Friday, April 08, 2005


After rereading the posts, and then hearing the word, I'm still quite unsure of what 'krum' means. Perhaps it's the out-of-town-ness in me, for the lingo doesn't quite reach Chicago so quickly. We're still saying pop and gym shoes. But then after reading the comments to Tabak's post way back when, Josh seems to know what it means. So I'm just left to think that the lingo certainly must not reach Northbrook ( ) as quickly. Please help me out here!
Oh, and by the way, I did get to see Mr. Croc. What a beaut! Sorry guys, but I think he's too small to skin and make into a purse. Maybe a change purse... nah, he's too cute for that too. Although his lack of a uh... pallate (Diana help me out here, you know the anatomy of the mouth better than I do!) scares me a bit- there's just a whole row of surprisingly very sharp teeth. And on that note, later gator!

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Mr. Crocodile head...

My boss took a vacation for a week to New Orleans and he brought me back a gift. He handed me a bag and told me to open it up -- I open it up, a little nervous -- and out comes the head of a crocodile! Now, I've had Mr. Crocodile sit on my desk for a week or so, pondering what to name the little brute. I’ll give you a short description of my friend and then maybe you can get a picture of what he looks like. He has dark green/blackish crocodile skin, black marble stuffed into his sockets for eyes and lots and lots of sharp teeth. As I sit here looking at him, I’m saddened that I got him after the Seforim Sale. He would have been such a great tool for scaring off customers and on occasion Shmulik. Maybe next year, before the sale starts, I’ll stand in front of Belfer showing all potential workers what might happen to them if they start working for the sale… poor unfortunate soul…. Please post potential names as well as comments about Mr. Crocodile. There will be a special viewing of Mr. Crocodile at my birthday party this year (for those that remember last years party! – and Josh, please don’t wear that hideous tie!)


Having been to YU for the weekend, I can now say with expertise what is wrong with the place. Apparently they saved money during construction of the whole place by not actually using any mortar when they put the brick on all the buildings. What saved them money then is coming back to bite them now. Unless I got it all wrong, and the scaffolding is meant as a decorative touch. Either way it makes it harder for certain boys in Morg facing Amsterdam to watch the Stern shuttle unload its wares...

Monday, April 04, 2005

El Presidente de Un Manojo del Perdedores: ¿Dónde Está Su Lealtad?

In an earlier post, Josh toyed with the idea that this forum would be a good place for "legions" of Shmulik adherents to unanimously declare their faith and allegiance to El Presidente (del futuro).
Where did Josh go wrong? Not only has no-one commented on Josh's post, but I don't think I've heard anything positive about Shmulik so far! (Well I might be to blame for that but I don't think I've said anything negative per se; just that shmulik's a robot.) I guess I'll just have to be dan l'kaf z'chus that it's pashut that everone wants Shmulik to be president. Or that no-one really cares about SOY elections (my personal shitah). Or that no-one knows when SOY elections are. Or that we all want Diana to beat Shmulik. Oh, and Diana, if you're not running, you should run just to spite Shmulik.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Yeshiva University vs. the rest of the Academic World

Camp SOY
As I tirelessly work on an article for the Observer (don't ask! Now that Seforim sale is over I need something else to occupy my time), I am shocked to find that Columbia, NYU, and the entire CUNY system are more helpful the faculty members of Yeshiva University that I have been in touch with. I find it ironic that the schools which I have no affiliation with are more helpful than the one that I do have an affiliation with.

the hocker/macher debate

As Benny and I have discussed there IS a huge difference between a hocker and a macher. Now, Benny, if you want to call yourself a hocker, which i might contest, that's all fine and good, i guess, but don't even think of calling me one.....! anyway, i hope you've all recovered from seforim sale '05...i can't figure out if i have, but that could be b/c once it was over, i jumped right into school work [what's that?] and actually tackled some of it. o yeah, i also have a stalker in the "hocker par excellance"! and, btw, for those of you who have never seen Shmulik smile, i guess you just don't know how to work his charm correctly - i even have a record of one! have a good shabbos all!