Thursday, March 31, 2005

Ah, Memories

As I was sitting in my cubicle today, I suddenly realized that I absolutely missed having people plow skid movers into closed doors. Or topple pallets stacked with heavy books...onto other workers. Or stealing cash from the registers. Good times.

I mean at Kraft, I try and pull anything funny, and I just get a bunch of blank looks. I mean is it that abnormal for a guy to climb from one cubicle to another? Or putt a golf ball down the hall?

You can't get away with anything in corporate America. My suggestion to you all - Enjoy it while you can. Shmulik really is much more forgiving than the mainstream workplace.

How to be nice...

There has been a request made that I post something nice -- I'm not quite sure how to do that -- but I'll take a stab at it (ok that already sounds violent!) Lets all reminisce in the days of old when we were all working endless hours of the seforim sale and being so giving of all our free time. I can think of no better people to spend my time with other than Sammy, Shmulik, Eli, Tabak, Beneson, Judd, Orlee, Josh (via IM and telephone of course!) Ettie, Yoni, and a myriad of others… I mean, what better way than to bond with each other than through fires at 5AM, water fights between Shmulik and myself, accounting with Ettie and Yoni, Josh with his ever amusing comments, Daniel babysitting set land when Simcha was gone…. The list goes on – but now I’m puking, because I can’t believe I wrote something so nice!!!! EEWWWWW! But that was for all the people I torment all day! (I can’t wait for the comments on this one…)

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

What I do

DianaNOW suggested that I go into a little explanation of what exactly I do. Apparently, after the Seforim Sale, people can't fathom that I'm doing anything else. They seem to think that I'm hiding in Moznaim's warehouse, peeling labels off of books.

But alas, no. I'm at Kraft Foods. It's this company that makes food. They don't just make cheese. Get over it. They also make Oscar Meyer meats, Post cereals, Nabisco cookies, Veryfine juices, Philadelphia cream cheese, Bulls Eye BBQ sauce, Tombstone Pizza, and a billion other things that you see on store shelves.

I don't stir the food. I don't check the heat in the ovens. I don't do quality control (unfortunately). And I'm not a Mashgiach (the most common assumption people make). Those would all be really cool compared to what I actually do.

In truth, I sit in a cubicle (all my own!), in front of a computer, and do two things. I reconcile our inventory in the computer to our inventory in the accounting books. And I oversee the paying of invoices for the inventory. Truthfully, it's exactly what I was doing for the Seforim Sale, without the Camp part. And it's a lot more money. Both what I oversee and what I get paid.

But woe for the old days!

Hocker vs. Mocher

So I was always wondering ( I know amazing to believe that I use my head sometimes to do such things -- If you were smelling some burning, it was probably me thinking too hard....) what exactly is the difference between Hocker and Mocher -- and we need to match certain people to these categories (There are some girls singing outside my window, and are really disturbing my thoughts here, cuz they sound awful! -- May you boys never know of such things...G-d bless Kol Isha!) Like Shmulik, Sammy, Josh, ok, and you know the list goes on..... (Sorry Josh, time for a new forum...)

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Dear Verizon: #$%&!

I have cracked the code. You see, deeply embedded in their name, their essence can be found:
EVIL rzon wireess. Now although the rest may not make sense, it is clear for all to see that the word evil is smack dab in the middle of their name.
In addition, if you take the gematria of 'verizon wireless' you get 'satan', and if you add the kolleil you get amaleik, eisav, avi avos hatumah, and tumtum.
If anyone wants to direct any friendly, heartwarming comments towards Verizon, please feel free to post them here; I guarantee they will be recognized in good conscience and with full appreciation.

Kick into High Gear

I thought I'd throw out a fun little question. It's participatory, so feel free to buzz in...

What should we do with the profit from this year's Sale? Some ideas to kick it off...

1) Sponsor a golf outing for YU students
2) Start our own publishing house
3) Dedicate the Beis Medrash on the Beren Campus
4) Buy Josh a life

The blog that cannot be

Diana, I wrote two blogs and both times I was unable to publish (they got deleted when I spell-checked it)! Now this is all I am willing to write. The End

Hiding the Truth...

Ever notice that people with a lot of coverings have something to hide? Did you ever wonder why Josh has payos, a beard, and wears a jacket? What is he hiding? My personal theory is that he using the Seforim Sale as a front to embezzel money. The beard and payos are to throw you off, to make you think such a frum guy could never do something so terrible. But after last years sale Josh practically dropped off the face of the planet? Why the sudden need to dehock?

Shmulik: The Walking Contradiction (literally)

I just want posit a couple of personal theories on how to possibly resolve what appears to the shrewd and discerning eye as a continually paradoxical occurrence:
1. Shmulik does not eat.
2. Shmulik appears to exhibit all signs of a continually living, breathing life-form.
1. Shmulik feeds intravenously in the cellar when no-one is looking; hence, he is able to not provide workers with food by saying: "look, do you see me eating, and I've been working all day!" when in reality this is clearly not true, you intravenously-feeding freak.
2. Shmulik is a robot. This will also help explain a serious lack of ability to display more than one emotion. Tell me: when was the last time YOU saw shmulik smile?
Feel free to add, criticize, or revel in my theories.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Camp SOY's co-ed? How krum.

Greetings to everyone (i.e. Josh in Chicago and Diana in the hospital),
Unfortunately, I don't have too much time to post absolute nonsense and I'm not a hocker, so I guess that's 2 strikes against me then, and my application to be one of the eidei yichud at Camp SOY will be rejected.
Have a good one.

Team Mates

Looking to join the Camp SOY team? Leave a comment and we'll evaluate your application. Basically, this blog'll only work with the involvement of a lot of people with too much time.

Friday, March 25, 2005

Purim in YU....

Don't you always want to make fun of the person who has to go with Hatzolah for whatever the reason -- usually some sissy girl who hurt herself -- well, I'm pleased to announce that I became that sissy! What an experience at that! I think I would just like to recount (Yes, Shmulik, I know it's a big word!) the fascinating and humorous story of my poor ankle (which, yes, it still does hurt!) Well, So some girl sort of tripped me while I was dancing -- and so I dragged myself out of the room, so I wouldn't attract a crowd -- So, I'm sitting outside and security all crowds around me --"HEY!!! It's the book sale girl!!!" So now I have about 10 security guys around me -- all having a grand ole time making fun of the fact that this is me, who got injured. So, they ask me if I want Hatzolah and all I could think of was -- NO! I know too many of those hockers, I certainly don't want them coming here - but they came and I only knew one guy (Y36). So we all know what happens when Diana has too much sugar and can't control herself, I act drunk so the other two Hatzolah guys (Y21 and Y31) kept asking me -- Are you drunk?! How much did you drink!? So, as always I was being really difficult and refused to go to the hospital, I mean come on I'm the infamous book sale girl -- If I can handle "Sam" Rosenberg, I can handle anyone! So then security told me it's time to go home -- so I attempt to start walking to the bus to go to midtown, but oh no -- my ankle decided, it really wanted to go to the hospital -- so we get Hatzolah back and they bring the stretcher -- and I look at them -- are you nuts! no way in the world am I getting on that thing in front of the ENTIRE student body and more! ( I sort of had to explain to them that I was a hocker and about 90% of those people know me!) so I limp to the ambulance -- but some people caught sight of me -- and then my phone proceeded to ring -- "oh my gosh, Diana's injured!" I even got some phone calls from people I don't even know!! Well, I go to the hospital, use my hocker skills and get us in and out of there in about an hour (not bad eh!?) So I call security to come get me and my friend -- but they were being a bit difficult -- so who else to call then Mr. Hocker par exellance! -- Shmulik! -- He knows how to get things done! He couldn't believe I was in the hospital, and was like oh my gosh, I'm coming to get you now! (See, look how nice he is!) but security came and brought me back to campus. More importantly, all I could think of was -- "why couldn't they have given me this cane DURING the Seforim Sale!? At least I would have had a weapon against all the boys! I mean, hey, it's tough being the only girl in command! In the end I got home and now the entire world over has been calling me to see if I'm ok! I leave you all with one message VOTE SHMULIK FOR YSU PRESIDENT! (Yes, I know that made absolutely no sense -- but hey what else is new?!)

Shmulik for President

I decided to start using this space as campaign headquarters for the "Shmulik for President" fan club. Our holy leader Samuel has announced his intention to run for President of the Yeshiva Student Union. So what better place to back him up then at the official blog of his legions of supporters? Feel free to share your experience of why he'd be the best President in YU history. But try and keep the English simple, for obvious reasons.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Purim in Chicago

Umm, how do I say...there is nothing happening here! Let me know what your plans in New York are. Most importantly, send me pictures!!! I'll only post them with permission. I want to hear how the YU Chagiga went...but pictures from the Stern party would also be greatly appreciated. Notes with names and numbers would be helpful.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005


I can't believe we never thought of this before hand!!! I think we can thank Josh (for those who don't know Josh....well you're just missing out!) for really being the inspiration for this! I mean, what better way to declare we have no life, than through a blog!! Well, anyway I just wanted to welcome all of you to the official Camp SOY blog -- where anything goes! So have fun! Write something funny or crazy -- don't forget to make fun of others (ok, fine, be a little nice ok??) and most important have fun!! Don't forget to send it to all your friends who are going to be crying that they aren't as cool as you are (fine, they're probably thinking -- nebach....)! So ta ta for now and Chag Purim Sameach to all!! (IMPORTANT INFORMATION: Boys don't get too drunk -- and someone watch Shmulik, he's still underage!!)