Wednesday, November 23, 2005

As Ruler I Will Lead the People to Spiritual Purity, Of Both Mind and Body. -Excerpt from the Tabaqi Doctrine

With the "mysterious" disappearance of Benmergui, I am happy to continue with my daily proclamation of my sovereignty and dominion over the civilized world, from the far reaches of India to the shores of Ethiopia. And now that none stand in my way, I will be able to rule with an iron fist and restore religious fanaticism to correct the blatant waywardness of the people. Actually, all I ask is for religious moderation as outlined in my latest, and most ambitious, plan.
You see, recently it has become known to his highness that a new movement has stepped up and now holds sway throughout the kingdom. This nefarious conglomerate has named its amorphous body of individuals the Champions of Jewish-singles Fraternization, or, as it is known in its vernacular acronym form, the CJF. The CJF is currently holding the old conglomerate hostage, using its footholds, connections, and track record to continue to build the trust of the community, until its mission has been executed. His highness has just learned that at the very point of completion and success the hostage will, unfortunately, be terminated. Therefore, I, Sultan Ibrahim Abdul-Dauni ibn al-Abdul Tabaqi, have declared that an all out war shall be perpetrated against this foreign infection that threatens the very vitality and future of our community. We must oust the evildoers and reinstate those who represent the real will of the people, the Moderate Supporters of DeCoedifying Sponsored trips (MSDCS).
Volunteers are unnecessary as conscriptions will begin tomorrow.
May it be the will of G-d.

7 Comments:

Blogger Josh said...

Um, Sultan, how are you looking for "volunteers" to be "conscripted?"

But I digress. It's been far too long that "Beren" women have been trying to ascend to the highest ranks of the "Wilf" empire. We must all unite to stop this phenomenon, lest we all end up subjects of the evil HASC overlords.

8:44 PM  
Blogger DianaNOW said...

Benmergui will remain silent at this time.

12:58 AM  
Blogger WillWorkForFood said...

Anyone else think it's funny that the only people who post don't even work for SOY or its biggest moneymaking endeavor?

Oh, and just to note: The esrog is the only fruit that not only doesn't rot, but shrinks and hardens until it becomes a black hole and destroys all existence as we know it. (Due to its relative proximity to my esrog box, at least CJF will be one of the first things to go...)

8:40 PM  
Blogger Seth said...

Josh and Diana, will you be around YU for the weekend of the start of Chanukah? Ali and I will probably be in NY.

I'm curious who this new overlord of the blog is - wanna introduce me?

1:50 PM  
Blogger DianaNOW said...

I will indeed be around YU, oh wait I forgot, I LIVE in YU.... Anyway, to find Tabak would be a feet in and of itself. I would introduce you, but the chances of spoting the 'lord' are slim. Try making an appointment with him and see what he says.

8:46 AM  
Blogger theFAVORITE said...

I’m afraid the royalty quota for this blog has already been met.

As the blog Princess I call for all other would-be Kings, Queens, Princes, Sultans, Emperors, Dictators, Despots, Tyrants and Shmuliks to either relinquish their title or face banishment.

So, Sultan Ibrahim Abdul-Dauni ibn al-Abdul Tabaqi, if indeed that is your real name – I dare say your pasty white skin is exceedingly translucent for such a Middle Eastern name – you will be forcefully removed and imprisoned in the “fluff” section of the SOY Seforim Sale (the place where all evil-doers go for intense rehabilitation).

Diana will be your assigned parole officer upon release... may G-d (Allah?) have mercy on your soul!

Josh - you are mistaken. The "Beren" women have no interest in taking over the "Wilf" Ghetto Empire. The "Beren" Empire has far more to offer: a wider selection of stores and the convenience of English being the officially spoken language!

6:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cool blog, interesting information... Keep it UP » »

12:23 AM  

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