Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Gifts gone Bad

Apparently, now I know why my gift never made it to Diana.

14 Comments:

Blogger DianaNOW said...

Josh, you have SERIOUS issues.... I think I'll stick with Prince Charming!

12:56 AM  
Blogger Ettie said...

Josh--how long did it take you to find that article?

10:43 AM  
Blogger Josh said...

Ettie - you have no clue...how much free time I have. Next time you're in Chicago, I'll take you to a Cubs game. I know this guy who'll hook us up with cheap soda.

10:12 PM  
Blogger DianaNOW said...

Ettie's taken, but nice try Josh.

1:43 PM  
Blogger Josh said...

A) I'm well aware. I'm a big friend of the Zeryikers.

B) Nobody's taken unless I see a ring. And if I see a ring, they aren't taken until I see a Kesubah. And if I see a Kesubah, I can find a get.

6:44 PM  
Blogger WillWorkForFood said...

Are the Zeryikers the species of alien to which Shmulik belongs?

8:00 PM  
Blogger DianaNOW said...

Josh your sick....period.

Tabak, Shmulik is an entirely seperate alien breed. I mean can you see Ettie and Shmulik related!?

10:34 AM  
Blogger Josh said...

I thought we went over this. Shmulik is not at Alien, he's a robot. He's part of the Electrfusion 6000 series. Virtually unbreakable, but it has glitches in the language software and has a soft spot for chocolate.

7:43 PM  
Blogger Josh said...

And Diana, you look at the glass half empty, I see it half full. Who's sick now?

7:44 PM  
Blogger DianaNOW said...

Josh, being a pessimist is not the same as being sick, I can assure you of that one. And just because I am a pessimist, it doesn't negate the fact that you're sick.

10:23 PM  
Blogger Josh said...

I wish I were just sick...in the head. Unfortunately, I've been coughing for a few weeks. If there's anyone out there in the SOY blogosphere that can help me, I miss the homemade care packages that would arrive late at night/early morning to ease our weary bodies. Especially R' Levitz's cholent.

10:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Josh, after deep investigations the Soy-Hocker-Handbook explicitly states that all "ex-members of Soy with Payis longer than their female counterparts are not allowed to make any jokes about current TAC Treasurers shorter than said Payis until the aforementioned Payis have grown longer than the height of the shortest member." Which, by the last I've seen, means you have about 6 inches left until you can make fun of Ettie ;-)

11:24 AM  
Blogger Ettie said...

so i go away for a couple of days and my name is all over the blog. Diana, Anonymous—thanks for sticking up for me.
Josh—watch yourself…

1:44 PM  
Blogger Josh said...

So Anonymous makes fun of Ettie, and I'm the one in hot water? Ettie - what should I look out for? And do I need to look down to see it coming, or can I just sit down?

Anonymous - To analyze the Bylaws -

"ex-members of Soy" - Fits my description.

"with Payis longer than their female counterparts" - Could be me, but I'm not sure - do the Payis need to be longer than the female counterparts' payis, or their entire height?

"are not allowed to make any jokes about current TAC Treasurers" - Should I assume that Ettie is the current TAC Treasurer? (Mental note - I've always liked TAC officers. And money. Interesting.)

"shorter than said Payis" - Still could be me, but I'm taking your word for it.

"until the aforementioned Payis have grown longer than the height of the shortest member" - Here's where you lost me - the condition for being allowed to make fun of this alleged person what that the Payis be longer than the short person. Now, I am restricted from making fun of this short person until my payis grow longer, implying that they are currently shorter. So I'm a little confused about what I'm allowed to do.

Of course the toughest thing to understand is why height becomes involved in this discussion. I, Chas V'Shalom, never brought such discriminatory words into this blog. In fact I was only positive in my effusing words about the subject. So Ettie - my final comment to you, for now - shouldn't you be recognizing me as your number one fan, and worrying about people like anonymous who get their kicks out of sizing you up (or down)?

7:34 PM  

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