Ah, Memories

As I was sitting in my cubicle today, I suddenly realized that I absolutely missed having people plow skid movers into closed doors. Or topple pallets stacked with heavy books...onto other workers. Or stealing cash from the registers. Good times.

I mean at Kraft, I try and pull anything funny, and I just get a bunch of blank looks. I mean is it that abnormal for a guy to climb from one cubicle to another? Or putt a golf ball down the hall?

You can't get away with anything in corporate America. My suggestion to you all - Enjoy it while you can. Shmulik really is much more forgiving than the mainstream workplace.

What I do

DianaNOW suggested that I go into a little explanation of what exactly I do. Apparently, after the Seforim Sale, people can't fathom that I'm doing anything else. They seem to think that I'm hiding in Moznaim's warehouse, peeling labels off of books.

But alas, no. I'm at Kraft Foods. It's this company that makes food. They don't just make cheese. Get over it. They also make Oscar Meyer meats, Post cereals, Nabisco cookies, Veryfine juices, Philadelphia cream cheese, Bulls Eye BBQ sauce, Tombstone Pizza, and a billion other things that you see on store shelves.

I don't stir the food. I don't check the heat in the ovens. I don't do quality control (unfortunately). And I'm not a Mashgiach (the most common assumption people make). Those would all be really cool compared to what I actually do.

In truth, I sit in a cubicle (all my own!), in front of a computer, and do two things. I reconcile our inventory in the computer to our inventory in the accounting books. And I oversee the paying of invoices for the inventory. Truthfully, it's exactly what I was doing for the Seforim Sale, without the Camp part. And it's a lot more money. Both what I oversee and what I get paid.

But woe for the old days!

Dear Verizon: #$%&!

I have cracked the code. You see, deeply embedded in their name, their essence can be found:
EVIL rzon wireess. Now although the rest may not make sense, it is clear for all to see that the word evil is smack dab in the middle of their name.
In addition, if you take the gematria of 'verizon wireless' you get 'satan', and if you add the kolleil you get amaleik, eisav, avi avos hatumah, and tumtum.
If anyone wants to direct any friendly, heartwarming comments towards Verizon, please feel free to post them here; I guarantee they will be recognized in good conscience and with full appreciation.

Kick into High Gear

I thought I'd throw out a fun little question. It's participatory, so feel free to buzz in...

What should we do with the profit from this year's Sale? Some ideas to kick it off...

1) Sponsor a golf outing for YU students
2) Start our own publishing house
3) Dedicate the Beis Medrash on the Beren Campus
4) Buy Josh a life

Shmulik: The Walking Contradiction (literally)

I just want posit a couple of personal theories on how to possibly resolve what appears to the shrewd and discerning eye as a continually paradoxical occurrence:
1. Shmulik does not eat.
2. Shmulik appears to exhibit all signs of a continually living, breathing life-form.
Resolutions:
1. Shmulik feeds intravenously in the cellar when no-one is looking; hence, he is able to not provide workers with food by saying: "look, do you see me eating, and I've been working all day!" when in reality this is clearly not true, you intravenously-feeding freak.
2. Shmulik is a robot. This will also help explain a serious lack of ability to display more than one emotion. Tell me: when was the last time YOU saw shmulik smile?
Feel free to add, criticize, or revel in my theories.
Ciao.

Camp SOY's co-ed? How krum.

Greetings to everyone (i.e. Josh in Chicago and Diana in the hospital),
Unfortunately, I don't have too much time to post absolute nonsense and I'm not a hocker, so I guess that's 2 strikes against me then, and my application to be one of the eidei yichud at Camp SOY will be rejected.
Have a good one.

Team Mates

Looking to join the Camp SOY team? Leave a comment and we'll evaluate your application. Basically, this blog'll only work with the involvement of a lot of people with too much time.

Shmulik for President

I decided to start using this space as campaign headquarters for the "Shmulik for President" fan club. Our holy leader Samuel has announced his intention to run for President of the Yeshiva Student Union. So what better place to back him up then at the official blog of his legions of supporters? Feel free to share your experience of why he'd be the best President in YU history. But try and keep the English simple, for obvious reasons.

Purim in Chicago

Umm, how do I say...there is nothing happening here! Let me know what your plans in New York are. Most importantly, send me pictures!!! I'll only post them with permission. I want to hear how the YU Chagiga went...but pictures from the Stern party would also be greatly appreciated. Notes with names and numbers would be helpful.