Camp SOY

Camp SOY Blog Officially DEFUNCT

2008-07-03T19:54:00.001-04:00

Not much more to be said.

Good luck to everyone in everything.

Ta-ta!

~Tabakowicz

Hel-lo every-ba-day, itsa me, Mario!

2007-08-26T01:34:00.000-04:00

Well gee, it's been a long time, but it seems like there really are no updates.

Shmulik is still at YU.

Diana is still working at the sale.

Josh is still...being Josh.

The princess is still making amazing food.

And I am still at YU.

Reads kind of like a "where will they be in 2020" yearbook page...

Shane's Wish

2007-05-21T15:11:00.000-04:00

I don't know if anyone is even reading this blog anymore, but just in case, here's something you might be interested in doing - MAJORLY TIME SENSITIVE!

Shane Bernier is a courageous seven-year-old boy from Lancaster, Ontario who was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia when he was only five. On June 6th, 2006 Shane and his family received some unfortunate news: Shane experienced a relapse after completing 108 of 130 weeks of treatment. However, despite the bad news, Shane has managed to keep a positive outlook on his situation and has made a heart-warming wish... He hasn’t asked for money or toys or anything of the sort. Instead, his birthday is on May 30th and he would like to break the world record for the most birthday cards ever received. His goal is 350 million cards. With every card, Shane’s courage grows. Something as simple as sending a birthday card could be enough to help Shane find peace and joy in his current circumstances. Please take the time to send a card to Shane and make his dream become a reality. Share his story with your friends, family and co-workers. If at all possible, get your youth groups, church congregations, employees, neighbours or communities to set aside a few minutes to write a thoughtful note to Shane. With every card, Shane’s smile grows...

If you’d like to send a card to Shane, please send it to:

Shane Bernier
PO Box 484
Lancaster, Ontario
K0C 1N0
Canada

Check out this website: http://www.shaneswish.com/

Marine biologists release fantastic discovery of new marine mammal.

2007-02-05T20:53:00.000-05:00

Marine Biology Monthly announced exactly one month ago that in the upcoming issue a fresh, new discovery would be made public. After waiting on the edge of my seat with baited breath for a month, that issue, ladies and gentlemen, has finally arrived.

In it is documented possibly one of the most startling finds of this nascent century: the bovinefish. Now I know what you are thinking - that just sounds silly. And even if it were real, didn't they already discover a swimming cow when they found the manatee? The answer is a resounding no, because whilst they found in the manatee the answer to many mermaid sightings, they did not find in the manatee a scrumptious meal. Will you believe what they found in the bovinefish? Move over sushi freaks because bovinefish steak has waddled into town.

Delectable. Delicious. Sumptuous. Scrumptious.

And, according to recent studies, there exists only a select group of people in the world who know how to properly prepare, cure, baste, season, and remove the spine-needle poison sack of the bovinefish. The group comprises tribeswomen from the right shoulder of South America, a clan of fierce, warrior women. They can be tamed only with slow infiltration with the art of deception. Those most well-versed in these arts, to the point of utter mastery some sources say, are the forces of the shadowy ninja clan known only as eViL. Through well-guised affections and affectations it is apparently possible to lure a tribeswoman out of her element, tricking her into lowering her gilded, bow-girded arm and into thinking she wants to properly prepare the bovinefish. The actual success rate of the eViL shadow-ninja clan is reportedly low, but in terms of quality it is unsurpassed - confidential sources report that the Princess herself was the object of such infernal plans.

"While it appears that further bovinefish tastings will prove difficult in the wake of the Princess' ordeal, gratitude for the past will never be diminished," the lucky tasters say. But who knows? Maybe as time goes on they will forget, or will reveal the recipe to the entire civilized world...

ونحن نحب كامب صوي - Your Top 10 Reasons Why We Love Camp Soy

2006-11-02T22:57:00.000-05:00

Give it your best shot. I will decide upon the winner. And as judge, jury, and...er...winner-picker I will take on the identity of an Israeli and decide based on absolutely no rules at all. I will choose illogically and at random. Each person's entries will undergo no scrutiny, but those who do not enter will be penalized and will have background checks performed on them. Failure to comply will result in no fine but complication may ensue for those who do comply.
Good luck; both in your entries and in entertaining thoughts about making aliyah.

It's been toooooo long!

2006-08-20T23:50:00.000-04:00

My, oh my, it has been too long since our beloved blog has been added to. But I decided to add a little something in honor of the beginning school year. Yet, each of us slowly begin to dehock...Josh, Shmulik and myself have completely relinquished our cell phones -- Josh almost 3 years already, Shmulik and myself... in the past couple of months. But it's true...we are no longer reachable...ok, fine, that was a lie. You know how to find us all. And I’ll agree, once a hocker, always a hocker. Anyway, in more campsoy news...Goldenboy and Ettie have finally declared their undying love for each other -- and yes, that's the first campsoy shidduch ever! You should all be congratulating yourselves on a job well done. So whose next to get hitched? According to previous comments...looks like it will be Tabak....I'm waiting.... Anywho, just wanted to add a little something since reading all the archives made me miss the days of old...don't worry, even though the seforim sale still goes on...the original campsoyers will live on in infamy!

Is it Ohd Yishama or Od Yishama? يا حبيبي :

2006-02-20T18:48:00.000-05:00

Well another seforim saleswoman, or, appealing to the undercover PC people (much like the VC) salesperson, has been smitten by the dust. You know that dust seems to be everywhere; must be eViL dust. המבין יבין.
In other news the Seforim sale has been hitting the high 90's and it appears as if the putrid smell of rotting meat has been attracting parasites...
And what is this I hear about the insipidity of Seforim Sale staff; has a plague of jejuness been visited upon the happy, bubbly counselors of Camp SOY? אני לא מקבל...
Anyone else wondering what EphShap is still doing at the sale?
We'll see just how many people have been watching this blog by the rate of response. My guess puts Josh in 1st place, Diana in 2nd, and myself in 3rd. Bengy, of course, won't post until after there have been a couple of posting rounds.
Hasta luego!
-WillWorkForANonCoedSaleIHateYouCJF

The Chosen Golden Child is here

2005-12-09T02:51:00.000-05:00

Welcome children to the beginning of the best Seforim Sale ever!! I hope there are other people that read these blogs outside of Josh and Diana. Someone else answer that question.
Just kidding. I'm honored to be in the prescence of such esteemed individuals to share my thoughts and quandaries.
Camp SOY has moved into the Belfer office!! And Josh, PR shot down the whole discount idea. The lady said it would probably lower the bottom line since ppl are coming to buy what they came for and are not necessarily going to buy extra because of the discount. Her alternative was to extend discount to large shuls, schools and organizations to entice larger orders. You know, buy 100 get 1 free kind of thing. CJF suggested ads in secular newspapers outside of just the Jewish stuff. I don't know if that will matter so much.
Anyway, got my first blog out of the way.
Have a wonderful shabbos everyone,
The new Sheriff has spoken

To Infinity and Beyond!!!

2005-12-08T23:06:00.000-05:00

Alright, enough of all the queer little competitions. I am evil, Lea is a princess, and Tabak is insane.

Now that we have that settled, can we think about the future. What will SOY become? I'm not worried about whether books will continue to be sold. I'm thinking about this Blog's heirs...who are they and when will they come on board?

The Truth Comes Out

2005-12-01T08:49:00.000-05:00

Tabak has been spotted texting Princess Leah in hopes of gaining a new gang memebers to his infamous eViL club. It should be noted that Princess Leah is commited and dedicated to the survival of humanity. Tabak, you better find your way to that shabbaton this weekend, if you know what's good for you.

A Poll

2005-12-01T08:48:00.000-05:00

I need to take a poll. If we had to choose the king of eViL who would it be? Josh or Tabak? I'm having a hard time with this one...

As Ruler I Will Lead the People to Spiritual Purity, Of Both Mind and Body. -Excerpt from the Tabaqi Doctrine

2005-11-23T18:49:00.000-05:00

With the "mysterious" disappearance of Benmergui, I am happy to continue with my daily proclamation of my sovereignty and dominion over the civilized world, from the far reaches of India to the shores of Ethiopia. And now that none stand in my way, I will be able to rule with an iron fist and restore religious fanaticism to correct the blatant waywardness of the people. Actually, all I ask is for religious moderation as outlined in my latest, and most ambitious, plan.
You see, recently it has become known to his highness that a new movement has stepped up and now holds sway throughout the kingdom. This nefarious conglomerate has named its amorphous body of individuals the Champions of Jewish-singles Fraternization, or, as it is known in its vernacular acronym form, the CJF. The CJF is currently holding the old conglomerate hostage, using its footholds, connections, and track record to continue to build the trust of the community, until its mission has been executed. His highness has just learned that at the very point of completion and success the hostage will, unfortunately, be terminated. Therefore, I, Sultan Ibrahim Abdul-Dauni ibn al-Abdul Tabaqi, have declared that an all out war shall be perpetrated against this foreign infection that threatens the very vitality and future of our community. We must oust the evildoers and reinstate those who represent the real will of the people, the Moderate Supporters of DeCoedifying Sponsored trips (MSDCS).
Volunteers are unnecessary as conscriptions will begin tomorrow.
May it be the will of G-d.

Accusation

2005-11-23T13:28:00.000-05:00

It will be duly noted that I have been accused of having not destroyed the reign of Daniel Tabak. This is an announcement. The eViL reign of Daniel Tabak has come to an end as of today, November 23, 2005 at approximately 13:28. All those in favor, say I. This court has been adjourned. Thank you.

The End to Tabak's Reign of Terror

2005-11-03T09:06:00.000-05:00

I have decided to end Tabak's exclusive hogging (is that a word?) of the Camp SOY blog. This is my first actual post and my side kick DianaNOW is here to help. Together we are here to take back the blog and once and for all show whose boss. We're going to change the theme of the blog and start discussing feminist rights -- yes, you heard us, femenazisim (that is deffinitely NOT a word). Tabak, wherever you may be, watch your back because the eViL duo is BACK! We've paid our dues and you will be fined immediately for sexist comments made a few months ago regarding brown hair color. Josh, you will be fined as well for simply being yourself. Your exsistence is an afront to ALL women out there. We are here to save the rest of women kind, who you have not yet affected. And to those that thought the end of the blog was near, fear not, as we are back and ready for hock. Please stand by.

Bored

2005-10-06T15:16:00.000-04:00

Although Tabak has been the one dominating this blog for some time, I decided it was time to come back and have some fun. Well, it's Motzei Rosh Hashana and im sitting in my office (yes, I got an office before Shmulik!) BORED out of my mind! I mean -- true I'm just tired, thirsty and hungry as it is the fast of Gedaliah but man I NEED to do something! Also, I don't really have all that much to say which is an amazing feet for me! Well, just wanted to wish the entire family a Shana Tova and Gmar Tov and may this year, be a year filled with mazal and bracha for us all!

The blog is mine...ALL mine...evil smirk...Muhahahahahahah

2005-09-30T11:29:00.000-04:00

People are probably wondering why nobody ever posts on this blog so I just want to tell you that it's because I have mind-controlled the blog into doing my, and only my, bidding.
In any case I figure that I can just post whatever I want and rant at will because there is no-one here to actually stop me. But, I will take this short-lived blog power-trip to use the blog to wish everyone a k'sivah vachasimah tovah l'altar chayim tovim u'l'shalom. Everyone should have a wonderful happy-happy joy-joy new year with lots of kapparah all around and everyone's t'fillos should be answered l'tovah.
I hope everyone is mochel me and everyone is mochel everyone else and we should all just have this giant mochel blog where everyone can just be mochel each other, but, alas! with all the people gone this cannot be.
Signing off,
Tabak

Paging Dr. Diana!...Paging Rabbi Josh!

2005-08-29T21:29:00.000-04:00

Seeing as the blog has coded twice in the last week, I think a last will and testament is in order. I collectively bequeath all of our grammatical knowledge and literary creativity to Shmulik, a president who, suprisingly, is at a serious loss for putting English words together coherently in a grammatically-correct sentence. Eizeh why why why?

The Diabolically Dynamic Duo

2005-08-23T09:15:00.000-04:00

To our avid Soy Blog fans -- welcome back to our beloved blog. In the words of Shmulik: "As the summer ends...ehh....and we walk in Yitzchak Rabin Square....eh....welcome back." Ok, most of you won't get that but Shmulik will and that's all that matters to us. Well, the famous duo -- Benny and Bengy are currently sitting and enjoying a tasteful breakfast together. DianaNOW and her Nazi diet and TheFAVORITE on her high fat breakfast from eee's. We really just wanted to give a shout out to Camp SOY. The real question lies...to participate in the Camp SOY enterprise this year or to just be loyal to our own and refuse to work because we can no longer torture Shmulik on a daily basis... Yonatan/Golden Boy is just too nice to torture and truth his facial expressions just pale in comparison to Shmulik's. (P.S. someone find Golden Boy and tell him Bengy wants some gum -- and while were at it -- hook me up with some!!!) Anyway, life's great! and were living up our post hockerhood -- ok fine, some of us have yet to move on -- maybe one day! Anyway, that's all for now, ta ta and we'll see you on the next series of Camp SOY blog.

Let Me Inspire You!

2005-08-22T22:55:00.000-04:00

Dear All,

I noticed that the blog is fading slowly, sadly. I happen to like it, and (for those of you who don't know me) I am also a SOY lifer.

I asked Josh to invite me, and I hope that my first post will serve as inspiration to the SOYBlogosphere to continue in its important work of notifying the world of the happenings of the individuals who make up the backbone of YU, the volunteers of SOY and SOY Seforim Sale, Inc.

So, post on, SOY Bloggers (or should I say Sloggers?)! The world must hear your voices!

Yours Truly,

Seth

Look who's back, back again, Tabak's back...

2005-08-22T10:50:00.000-04:00

After an exhausting day I finally exited the SUV whose license plate said 'fresh' and had dice on the mirror to once again set foot on the terra firma that is Washington Heights. As I unloaded my mutliple accessories and was slowly trudging along I was assailed by a roving group of nasty locals. There was pointing, giggling, and even name-calling. And these weren't just any locals, with whom most YU-goers are acclimated, these were the worst of the worst, the ubiquitious brand of locals that have replaced the French during the summer's balmy humidity: post-Stern hockers. I tried to fend them off with wittiness and charm, but, alas! to no avail. I bid you all beware lest you all become attacked without previous provocation. YU-goers unite against this everpresent, growing menace! Where's security when you need them most?

Possible Taback Sighting

2005-06-19T13:11:00.000-04:00

There was a possible Taback sighting at the Riverdale Jewish Center (aka RJC) as the synagogue observed Shavuot. It should also be noted that Taback was scheduled to give a shiur on Tikun Leil Shavuot under the guise of "Rabbi Daniel Taback".

2005-06-09T21:09:00.000-04:00

Tabak as a brun (-ette is for ladies only). I figured that with Diana "shaking things up" and all, I would fain join the fray. So here I am, whacky, wild, and completely out of control, with brown hair! What will I think of next?!

Diana as a blond

2005-06-09T03:57:00.000-04:00

Diana as a blond I figured it's time we shake things up here a bit. I mean sadly our beloved blog is dying :-( but Diana has come to the rescue at long last! I took this picture during finals, because of course I had nothing better to do then but I saw this wig in my friend's room and couldn't resist and I figured where else could I possible get a great reaction other than our famous Camp SOY blog. So... tell me what you think (as if any of you would hold back) Have fun!

PSA

2005-06-05T18:05:00.000-04:00

As a public service to any fellow CampSOYers remaining, I'd like to share a link that I feel may be of importance to some of you.

When in doubt, go L'Chumra

Detroit Rock City.

2005-06-01T18:14:00.000-04:00

I would just like to share, with my fellow bloggers, some tips and pointers that will hopefully make one's possible future trip to Detroit more enjoyable, and, at the same time, oil-paint a picture of Detroit.
1. Plan accordingly. Despite what your ticket and boarding pass might say, the flight is only about one hour and ten minutes: "flight attendants prepare for departure", 5 minutes, and "flight attendants prepare for arrival".
2. No...sleep...to D-town. Don't expect to sleep on the extremely short flight. I sat behind two people who wouldn't shut up, and these two were the most unlikely candidates for extended conversation: an aging Russian dancer who lived in the heart of Moscow during the Cold War and now is in the planning stage of bringing down the US government, and a middle-aged colored man who had extremely long dreadlocks, plays reggae, and thinks Revenge of the Sith is all about the Bush administration. With no common ground i know not how they kept on babbling incessantly.
3. It's DEE-troit. Make sure you emphasize the first syllable, otherwise you risk offending and angering the locals, and, boy oh boy, some of them are real hicks. The closer you get to Detroit proper (e.g. 8-mile), the number of trailer parks and its inevitable trash increases exponentially. Case in point: a lady at the airport was speaking to someone about her children, especially the youngest and cutest whose name is seabass. That's right, both the fish and the punk from Dumb and Dumber. Talk about trash.
4. It's called a FREEway. I know this concept is foreign to New Yorkers but all Detroit has is freeways, you know, those 4-lane things. They connect all parts of Southfield, Oak Park, etc. and you can't get anywhere without taking the freeway, even if it's only a 5-minute drive.
5. Jerusalem Pizza. Arguably one of the best pizza places i've ever been to, and I'm not a fan of 99.9% of pizza places. Eat here every chance you can get. Get the BBQ chicken pizza; trust me.
6. Work out your thumbs. Make sure to wage a lot of thumb wars before you go because the most favorite pastime of Detroiters is N64, especially NFL Blitz. Nothing can separate Detroiters from blitz, even if their wedding is in the afternoon. Other favorite pastimes are pool and foozball.
7. Don't display fear. Almost all Detroiters have some type of animal, especially giant guard/ attack dogs. These dogs own the houses so people don't lock their doors. Don't take advantage of this to leave a note in the house for the owners; i almost got mauled.
8. Don't wear nice shoes. If you want to walk anywhere on shabbos and don't want it to take 3 hours, be ready to walk across large expanses of grass, which is normally quite moist.
9. Mentally prepare yourself for a lack of buildings. There are no highrises and there is no skyline unless you live in the heart of downtown. Be prepared for quiet, serene, foresty-sounding noises. Traffic is basically non-existent. It's beautiful. Read some Emerson before you embark on your journey. If you have allergies, don't plan a trip to Detroit; there's always visible stuff flying everywhere.
10. Don't expect frum. Detroit is shady unless you're in the super-chareidi yeshivish area.
11. Canada is only half an hour away. Get ready to fend off the mounties.
I will end with a riddle. Well it's really more of just a rhetorical question. On my flight back there was an Asian national wearing a health mask (similar to a surgeon's mask) and gloves. He had weird purple stuff on parts of his face that weren't covered; it looked like his face was melting. And I'm thinking, "hmmm, SARS?", you know just when you don't hear anything about it, it pops back up. And they wonder how outbreaks continue to occur in odd places. Does someone want to explain to me how they let these people on flights where all of the air is constantly recycled? Don't they realize that dead passengers don't continue to fly their airline?

The Lord giveth...and at the same time taketh away?

2005-05-25T11:22:00.000-04:00

Life. Oxygen. H20. These 3 things are normally conceived of as being inextricably linked. Yet, many contemporary studies, albeit controversial, seem to say that oxygen, our life-blood, may actually be carcinogenic. It can cause heart damage, cancer, cataracts, and a weak immune system.
"What?!", you ask, and "sad but true, according to these studies", I respond. What exactly am I talking about?
I am talking about the war on terrorists; I am talking about freedom and the will to live.
I can just see the next newsflash: President Bush declares that all persons harboring free radicals must cease and desist immediately, under threat of war.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am talking about the war between antioxidants and free radicals.
You may have seen these terms being thrown around liberally, almost whimsically. However, my theory is that these new-fangled fancy terms and the "problems" they create/solve are nothing but a marketing gimmick; they only exist to provide the already rich with more money, and to make ourselves feel good about ourselves after eating unhealthy food products (i.e. caf french fries and froyo).
"So what exactly are free radicals?", you ask. Simple: they are oxygen molecules floating around our bodies, apparently wreaking havoc by binding to all kinds of daily body processes, at least according to these studies. And the antioxidants come to the rescue, they oxidize the oxygen molecules and strip them of the ability to mercilessly bond to other molecules, effectively eliminating their destructive power.
This conjures up the image of that old Listerine commerical where the bottle is a swashbuckling musketeer, fighting germs in the ominous and foreboding caverns of our mouths within which permacetti torches cut a swath of light through the palpable darkness.
Even if this were to be true, are Pom and Naked juices our only savior, Odwalla health bars our fibery, peanutty knight in shining armor? Notice that it is precisely these products that boast raw antioxidant power, the ability to "fight those pesky free radicals without swinging a punch", that also come with hefty price tags. $4 for antioxidants?
"Yes, if we are to stay alive! It's pikuach nefesh!"
Actually no, you see, the truth is that it's all a marketing gimmick. Regular fruits and vegetables are loaded with the selfsame antioxidants; they are not in scarce supply to only be found in pomegranate juice and in a mango-fruit-tango antiox smoothie. So what are antioxidants?
Vitamins. Vitamins C, E, and the carotenoids (e.g. beta-carotene) are antioxidants. They are also found in selenium. These are all naturally occurring antioxidants, and mangoes are especially rich in antioxidants. Incidentally they happen to taste really good and may qualify for best fruit ever in Tabak's Best-Fruit-Ever Contest.
So basically we are being ripped off by cutthroat corporate pirates who rally to the banner of "good health" to win our gullibly given trust.
The bottom line is just to listen to what mom always said and you'll be fine: get your vitamins.
Or in Bengy's case: "Comece suas vitaminas".

Mazel Tov!

2005-05-25T08:44:00.000-04:00

Congratulations go out to one of our own!

(Link goes to Porn site - DO NOT CLICK!!!)

Cinnamon Toothgel- UCH!

2005-05-24T14:37:00.000-04:00

Well after many days of trying to track down Diana, I finally met up with her last night at about two am. Tabak, I must thank you for the kind gesture of hakaras hatov; Diana gave me your little gift. For those of you who haven't been following the blog, well, start following!

So Tabak got me, for some reason that I hardly understand, four samples of those new Crest toothpaste expressions in those flimsy plastic perforated tubey things that are impossible to open, until you finally resort to using your teeth to rip them. Tabak, Diana said that your favorite flavor is the cinnamon one, and you wanted to share that with me. I'll have you know though that I HATE the cinnamon flavored toothpaste gel stuff. Stupidly, I made the mistake of buying a giant tube of that the beginning of this year, and I dread brushing my teeth. Here's the problem with the cinnamon toothpaste- it's gel, and it's RED. So when you brush and rinse and spit, little globs of red gel no doubt stick to the sink. Every single morning and evening, I'd have to not only brush, but also scrub out the sink! I don't know if this happens to you Tabak, but I hope you don't leave little red gel globules in the sink. Paste for some reason doesn't really do that sticking thing. Anyhow, thanks again for it. (Oh, and did Diana happen to conveniently pick this up from the dentist's office?)

I hope all you guys- the ones still in Stern and YU- did well on your finals. Now that finals are just about over, it's time to get bloggin' again!

Down with Tyranny

2005-05-13T08:47:00.000-04:00

For all those who thought the SOY Seforim Sale was enslaving, read this article and appreciate your freedom. To be honest, I didn't read through the whole article; I felt the headline said it all.

2005-05-11T08:57:00.000-04:00

El presidente y su esposa.

Hail the Chief

2005-05-10T18:48:00.000-04:00

Everybody congratulate our new inside man! Shmulik has made the leap - he is the new President of the Yeshiva Student Union. Will he retain his SOY roots? Don't be afraid to tell him what you think. He says on his website that he wants to hear your feedback.

The Real Mother's Day

2005-05-09T17:20:00.000-04:00

Camp SOY
For all those of you who missed it the first time around, you have an opportunity to repent for your sin. Today is Diana's Hebrew Birthday. Happy Birthday Diana!

2005-05-05T19:18:00.000-04:00

This pic will introduce those who don't know Josh to Josh's back, and those who know Shmulik to Shmulik as a toddler. If I'm not mistaken this picture was taken last year and is on shmulik.org, the official site of Shmulik's beis hamikdash.

Hakaras Hatov

2005-05-02T19:58:00.000-04:00

I've decided that not enough people have Hakaras Hatov to YU. I don't get it. The place isn't perfect, but I think just about everybody gets some positive things from it, whether socially, academically, or something else. But all I ever hear is YU bashing. I know people are apathetic on campus, but that is better than trashing it. The place really does offer a lot, and while we don't need to be obsessed with it, we should at least be thankful for it. And look back on the good times we have. Because any bitterness is really a reflection of us and our inability to be grateful. Share the good times while you can. And even afterwards.

Get back to Work!

2005-05-02T19:50:00.000-04:00

Welcome back to school!

Awww, all you poor little things. Spring break is over, and now you have to go back to your little classes. Your little backpack is probably digging into your little sunburned shoulders. I feel so sorry for all of you that have to suffer through school - a whole week of it - before finals, and then summer break.

I spent my break...nowhere, doing...nothing. Just showing up at work as usual. Welcome to life after Camp SOY! Love it while you can.

Pesach (Patu'ach)

2005-04-28T13:41:00.000-04:00

Well, as we are all bored to the buttom of our blogliness, I figured this will be a good opportunity to share some words of matzah. As I am visiting the Gateway to the West in the Show Me State, I realized that there isn't much to do especially when my laptop is ill and recovering slowly. Honestly it's pretty difficult to survive without our favorite network. But fear not - on Monday we will catch up with the latest West Wings and popcorn too.

ahem posting...posting...1...2...3...

2005-04-26T08:32:00.000-04:00

single male looking for a ride back from baltimore at the finis de yom tov
please inform
gut moeid

Oh master, where art thou?

2005-04-20T01:13:00.000-04:00

Eight days have sorrowfully passed,
Since the blog saw Shmulik last;
When his pent-up rage maliciously surfaced,
To attack me was his only purpose.
But, pray tell, whence came he,
to pounce and gnaw so furiously?
And, pray tell, where can be,
Shmulik's mirthful curiosity?
Preemptively assassinated, perhaps,
or taking yuppie power naps?
Crikey's hostage for a day,
frozen in fright, there to stay?
Shmulik may come,
and Shmulik may go,
but Shmulik how we love you so.

Gifts gone Bad

2005-04-19T22:12:00.000-04:00

Apparently, now I know why my gift never made it to Diana.

The B-day Gift -- Prince Charming!

2005-04-19T02:40:00.000-04:00

So I know you all wanted a picture of THE birthday girl (or as Josh pointed out, the old hag...). So here she is with her prince charming brought to her by Orlee. Orlee apologizes for not being able to find a turtle so prince charming will have to do (till next year of course!)

Diana's Present

2005-04-19T02:32:00.000-04:00

Camp SOY
Diana's party tonight was an event enjoyed by all that attended, but I'll leave the details of the party for someone else to describe.
For Princess Diana's birthday we felt it only appropriate that she don a tiara as a true princess would. Every princess needs a prince charming and to that affect a prince in the guise of the frog was presented to our beloved Princess. May Prince Charming and Princess Diana live happily ever after.

First things first....

2005-04-19T02:27:00.000-04:00

For the moment you've all (ok, fine only Josh) been waiting for...a picture of Crikey our Camp SOY mascot! (It's ok Shmulik, don't cry he's dead already) Josh, he's please to meet your acquaintance!

Over the Hill

2005-04-18T21:25:00.000-04:00

Alright, campers. Time to wish DianaNow a very merry birthday. She loves attention. And her father would love to remind her that she's not getting any younger...

I'd love to see some birthday pics...

Pesach

2005-04-17T19:16:00.000-04:00

If Camp SOY were to go somewhere for Pesach, where would it be? Miami Beach to catch some sun? Poconos- to catch some food? Israel-to catch some Torah? Florence- to get away from Jews?

All I know is that if I could do it all over again, I'd go to Russia for Pesach on one of those programs. For one, the food can't really be much worse than regular Pesach food. Two, I could really sound very impressive at work if I had "extensive travel to Russia" under my belt. They relocate people for a quarter million dollars to get experience in "emerging marketplaces."

Darn. And I missed out on the coed trip thing too.

The Nuggie Sandwich

2005-04-15T03:56:00.000-04:00

The Nuggie Sandwich

I hereby present to all of you a picture of the amazing Nuggie Sandwich, delivered by Judd to Shmulik on account of bad behavior, publicly at the Seforim Sale (around 2AM). You should all seriously consider a number of things: 1) don't ever cross Judd or you might get a Nuggie 2) Shmulik TOTALLY deserved it and 3) It was really funny to watch! I apologize for the fuzziness of the photo, but it was my camera phone... I'll do better next time! Till then, enjoy!

Mr. Cutie Pie

2005-04-14T23:58:00.000-04:00

Mr. Cutie Pie.

2005-04-14T23:35:00.000-04:00

Shmulik, my nephew will be vying with you for president, and I'd like to see how you fare. It's soooo over, your reign of terror is over before it has even started. My nephew is firm, fortitudinous, and has plans to take YU where it has never gone before. Shmulik, meet your match.

Shmulik Chwosenberg meets Crikey and goes berserk.

2005-04-14T11:01:00.000-04:00

A very interesting phenomenon occurred last night, which, parenthetically, is both a disgrace to all males and, more broadly, to all humans.
Diana decided to surprise Shmulik with Crikey, your friendly, neighborhood, severed baby alligator head. Diana posited that Shmulik would freak out upon laying eyes on on Crikey, to which I replied I couldn't believe, seeing at is an inanimate object that doesn't even have a bottom to its head. Boy was I wrong.
So Shmulik walks in, Diana slowly unwraps the alligator out of its plastic baggies, takes it out, and moves towards Shmulik, whereupon Shmulik about-faced and ran from the room shrieking like a little girl. I must note that I have never seen Shmulik move with such gusto. I'm sorry to say that those who didn't see his face missed out on about a 5-minute, lengthy bout of laughter. Upon returning, Shmulik once again flipped out when he saw it, making rapid gesticulations to protect himself in the midst of producing incredibly funny faces.
When asked what all the commotion was for, Shmulik mumbled something about snakes; we didn't understand what he meant but I think he was trying to connect alligator and snake through their reptilian origins. In any case, we tried to explain that Crikey is just a head and is inanimate, to which he replied "I hate animals". We once again tried to explain that Crikey is dead, but our explanations fell on deaf ears.
I think Diana's boss has discovered the kryptonite that will help us control Shmulik.
Thank you Diana's boss.

A Thousand Words

2005-04-13T21:13:00.000-04:00

If anybody has some Camp SOY pics they'd like to share, or videos for that matter, there is a way to share them on this blog. Send them to me, and I'll get them put up. Because this blog is about laughing at each other, and nothing makes you snort your milk up your snout like humiliating pictures/videos of coworkers/friends. I don't like putting my email on the internet, so take five seconds to ask one of your fellow SOYers how to reach me if you don't know how to already. Bonus points if you're female and single.

A New Generation

2005-04-13T19:15:00.000-04:00

I don't know if everybody out there fully appreciates this, but Shmulik has really made a significant number of improvements to the Sale. Most glaring would be the transfer of the sale to Weisberg Commons. I want everybody to reach deep inside and share with the group what they feel is Shmulik's biggest contribution. Some of you are too young to know me or what things were like in the past, but let me remind you - Shmulik is still probably even younger than you...

Fun and Games

2005-04-12T09:27:00.000-04:00

One of the best games ever invented first appeared at the Seforim Sale last year. You may never have heard of it, but that should be no indication of how famous the game is. It just shows how out of the loop you are.

The game was called "Name the Animal that Josh would think I am." The rules were simple. Everybody goes around in a circle, taking turns saying what animal they would be compared to. Not in their own eyes. Not in the eyes of those around them. But in my eyes. Popular variations included making animal noises, explaining your answers, and, yes, sadly, calling me to tell me the results.

Post your own here.

It's Time

2005-04-12T00:45:00.000-04:00

So I have been sitting here all this time reading your words of wisdom and it's time to end my misery. I AM RESPONDING (as if that’s not obvious.)
The truth is that I was caught up with a serious security investigation on a lost ____ (censored.) It was a wonderful opportunity for Eli to use our fake cameras to locate the breach. Finally, together with our neighbors, and commanders, we were able track it all back to Set Land. We herby give you Mr. Will work for Tur an opportunity to step forward and confess for your despicable behavior.

Having said that, it feels good to be back!

"Shehechiyanu"

2005-04-11T20:55:00.000-04:00

Camp SOY
DianaNOW was seen today devoid of any black clothing and accessories. Even her shoes were a color, tan. One almost had to wear sunglasses in order not to be blinded by the brightness of her colored clothing.

A plea for help.

2005-04-11T19:51:00.000-04:00

The blog is dying because Shmulik's infernal machinations have shut it down. He has also kidnapped Josh and is holding him ransom in that little room in his office.
To bring the blog back online and secure Josh's freedom large cash donations will be necessary. These donations are to be dropped off in Mivtzar Shel HaNassi Shmulik.
Thank you for your cooperation.

Krum?

2005-04-08T01:16:00.000-04:00

After rereading the posts, and then hearing the word, I'm still quite unsure of what 'krum' means. Perhaps it's the out-of-town-ness in me, for the lingo doesn't quite reach Chicago so quickly. We're still saying pop and gym shoes. But then after reading the comments to Tabak's post way back when, Josh seems to know what it means. So I'm just left to think that the lingo certainly must not reach Northbrook ( http://www.northbrook.il.us/ ) as quickly. Please help me out here!
Oh, and by the way, I did get to see Mr. Croc. What a beaut! Sorry guys, but I think he's too small to skin and make into a purse. Maybe a change purse... nah, he's too cute for that too. Although his lack of a bottom...er... uh... pallate (Diana help me out here, you know the anatomy of the mouth better than I do!) scares me a bit- there's just a whole row of surprisingly very sharp teeth. And on that note, later gator!

Mr. Crocodile head...

2005-04-05T23:15:00.000-04:00

My boss took a vacation for a week to New Orleans and he brought me back a gift. He handed me a bag and told me to open it up -- I open it up, a little nervous -- and out comes the head of a crocodile! Now, I've had Mr. Crocodile sit on my desk for a week or so, pondering what to name the little brute. I’ll give you a short description of my friend and then maybe you can get a picture of what he looks like. He has dark green/blackish crocodile skin, black marble stuffed into his sockets for eyes and lots and lots of sharp teeth. As I sit here looking at him, I’m saddened that I got him after the Seforim Sale. He would have been such a great tool for scaring off customers and on occasion Shmulik. Maybe next year, before the sale starts, I’ll stand in front of Belfer showing all potential workers what might happen to them if they start working for the sale… poor unfortunate soul…. Please post potential names as well as comments about Mr. Crocodile. There will be a special viewing of Mr. Crocodile at my birthday party this year (for those that remember last years party! – and Josh, please don’t wear that hideous tie!)

Visit

2005-04-05T18:52:00.000-04:00

Having been to YU for the weekend, I can now say with expertise what is wrong with the place. Apparently they saved money during construction of the whole place by not actually using any mortar when they put the brick on all the buildings. What saved them money then is coming back to bite them now. Unless I got it all wrong, and the scaffolding is meant as a decorative touch. Either way it makes it harder for certain boys in Morg facing Amsterdam to watch the Stern shuttle unload its wares...

El Presidente de Un Manojo del Perdedores: ¿Dónde Está Su Lealtad?

2005-04-04T23:43:00.000-04:00

In an earlier post, Josh toyed with the idea that this forum would be a good place for "legions" of Shmulik adherents to unanimously declare their faith and allegiance to El Presidente (del futuro).
Where did Josh go wrong? Not only has no-one commented on Josh's post, but I don't think I've heard anything positive about Shmulik so far! (Well I might be to blame for that but I don't think I've said anything negative per se; just that shmulik's a robot.) I guess I'll just have to be dan l'kaf z'chus that it's pashut that everone wants Shmulik to be president. Or that no-one really cares about SOY elections (my personal shitah). Or that no-one knows when SOY elections are. Or that we all want Diana to beat Shmulik. Oh, and Diana, if you're not running, you should run just to spite Shmulik.
Toodles.

Yeshiva University vs. the rest of the Academic World

2005-04-01T13:20:00.000-05:00

Camp SOY
As I tirelessly work on an article for the Observer (don't ask! Now that Seforim sale is over I need something else to occupy my time), I am shocked to find that Columbia, NYU, and the entire CUNY system are more helpful the faculty members of Yeshiva University that I have been in touch with. I find it ironic that the schools which I have no affiliation with are more helpful than the one that I do have an affiliation with.

the hocker/macher debate

2005-04-01T01:59:00.000-05:00

As Benny and I have discussed there IS a huge difference between a hocker and a macher. Now, Benny, if you want to call yourself a hocker, which i might contest, that's all fine and good, i guess, but don't even think of calling me one.....! anyway, i hope you've all recovered from seforim sale '05...i can't figure out if i have, but that could be b/c once it was over, i jumped right into school work [what's that?] and actually tackled some of it. o yeah, i also have a stalker in the "hocker par excellance"! and, btw, for those of you who have never seen Shmulik smile, i guess you just don't know how to work his charm correctly - i even have a record of one! have a good shabbos all!

Ah, Memories

2005-03-31T21:54:00.000-05:00

As I was sitting in my cubicle today, I suddenly realized that I absolutely missed having people plow skid movers into closed doors. Or topple pallets stacked with heavy books...onto other workers. Or stealing cash from the registers. Good times.

I mean at Kraft, I try and pull anything funny, and I just get a bunch of blank looks. I mean is it that abnormal for a guy to climb from one cubicle to another? Or putt a golf ball down the hall?

You can't get away with anything in corporate America. My suggestion to you all - Enjoy it while you can. Shmulik really is much more forgiving than the mainstream workplace.

How to be nice...

2005-03-31T01:07:00.000-05:00

There has been a request made that I post something nice -- I'm not quite sure how to do that -- but I'll take a stab at it (ok that already sounds violent!) Lets all reminisce in the days of old when we were all working endless hours of the seforim sale and being so giving of all our free time. I can think of no better people to spend my time with other than Sammy, Shmulik, Eli, Tabak, Beneson, Judd, Orlee, Josh (via IM and telephone of course!) Ettie, Yoni, and a myriad of others… I mean, what better way than to bond with each other than through fires at 5AM, water fights between Shmulik and myself, accounting with Ettie and Yoni, Josh with his ever amusing comments, Daniel babysitting set land when Simcha was gone…. The list goes on – but now I’m puking, because I can’t believe I wrote something so nice!!!! EEWWWWW! But that was for all the people I torment all day! (I can’t wait for the comments on this one…)

What I do

2005-03-30T21:54:00.000-05:00

DianaNOW suggested that I go into a little explanation of what exactly I do. Apparently, after the Seforim Sale, people can't fathom that I'm doing anything else. They seem to think that I'm hiding in Moznaim's warehouse, peeling labels off of books.

But alas, no. I'm at Kraft Foods. It's this company that makes food. They don't just make cheese. Get over it. They also make Oscar Meyer meats, Post cereals, Nabisco cookies, Veryfine juices, Philadelphia cream cheese, Bulls Eye BBQ sauce, Tombstone Pizza, and a billion other things that you see on store shelves.

I don't stir the food. I don't check the heat in the ovens. I don't do quality control (unfortunately). And I'm not a Mashgiach (the most common assumption people make). Those would all be really cool compared to what I actually do.

In truth, I sit in a cubicle (all my own!), in front of a computer, and do two things. I reconcile our inventory in the computer to our inventory in the accounting books. And I oversee the paying of invoices for the inventory. Truthfully, it's exactly what I was doing for the Seforim Sale, without the Camp part. And it's a lot more money. Both what I oversee and what I get paid.

But woe for the old days!

Hocker vs. Mocher

2005-03-30T01:41:00.000-05:00

So I was always wondering ( I know amazing to believe that I use my head sometimes to do such things -- If you were smelling some burning, it was probably me thinking too hard....) what exactly is the difference between Hocker and Mocher -- and we need to match certain people to these categories (There are some girls singing outside my window, and are really disturbing my thoughts here, cuz they sound awful! -- May you boys never know of such things...G-d bless Kol Isha!) Like Shmulik, Sammy, Josh, ok fine...me, and you know the list goes on..... (Sorry Josh, time for a new forum...)

Dear Verizon: #$%&!

2005-03-29T23:16:00.000-05:00

I have cracked the code. You see, deeply embedded in their name, their essence can be found:
EVIL rzon wireess. Now although the rest may not make sense, it is clear for all to see that the word evil is smack dab in the middle of their name.
In addition, if you take the gematria of 'verizon wireless' you get 'satan', and if you add the kolleil you get amaleik, eisav, avi avos hatumah, and tumtum.
If anyone wants to direct any friendly, heartwarming comments towards Verizon, please feel free to post them here; I guarantee they will be recognized in good conscience and with full appreciation.

Kick into High Gear

2005-03-29T20:35:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd throw out a fun little question. It's participatory, so feel free to buzz in...

What should we do with the profit from this year's Sale? Some ideas to kick it off...

1) Sponsor a golf outing for YU students
2) Start our own publishing house
3) Dedicate the Beis Medrash on the Beren Campus
4) Buy Josh a life

The blog that cannot be

2005-03-29T03:22:00.000-05:00

Diana, I wrote two blogs and both times I was unable to publish (they got deleted when I spell-checked it)! Now this is all I am willing to write. The End

Hiding the Truth...

2005-03-29T00:44:00.000-05:00

Ever notice that people with a lot of coverings have something to hide? Did you ever wonder why Josh has payos, a beard, and wears a jacket? What is he hiding? My personal theory is that he using the Seforim Sale as a front to embezzel money. The beard and payos are to throw you off, to make you think such a frum guy could never do something so terrible. But after last years sale Josh practically dropped off the face of the planet? Why the sudden need to dehock?

Shmulik: The Walking Contradiction (literally)

2005-03-29T00:25:00.000-05:00

I just want posit a couple of personal theories on how to possibly resolve what appears to the shrewd and discerning eye as a continually paradoxical occurrence:
1. Shmulik does not eat.
2. Shmulik appears to exhibit all signs of a continually living, breathing life-form.
Resolutions:
1. Shmulik feeds intravenously in the cellar when no-one is looking; hence, he is able to not provide workers with food by saying: "look, do you see me eating, and I've been working all day!" when in reality this is clearly not true, you intravenously-feeding freak.
2. Shmulik is a robot. This will also help explain a serious lack of ability to display more than one emotion. Tell me: when was the last time YOU saw shmulik smile?
Feel free to add, criticize, or revel in my theories.
Ciao.

Camp SOY's co-ed? How krum.

2005-03-27T20:26:00.000-05:00

Greetings to everyone (i.e. Josh in Chicago and Diana in the hospital),
Unfortunately, I don't have too much time to post absolute nonsense and I'm not a hocker, so I guess that's 2 strikes against me then, and my application to be one of the eidei yichud at Camp SOY will be rejected.
Have a good one.

Team Mates

2005-03-27T17:12:00.000-05:00

Looking to join the Camp SOY team? Leave a comment and we'll evaluate your application. Basically, this blog'll only work with the involvement of a lot of people with too much time.

Purim in YU....

2005-03-25T14:33:00.000-05:00

Don't you always want to make fun of the person who has to go with Hatzolah for whatever the reason -- usually some sissy girl who hurt herself -- well, I'm pleased to announce that I became that sissy! What an experience at that! I think I would just like to recount (Yes, Shmulik, I know it's a big word!) the fascinating and humorous story of my poor ankle (which, yes, it still does hurt!) Well, So some girl sort of tripped me while I was dancing -- and so I dragged myself out of the room, so I wouldn't attract a crowd -- So, I'm sitting outside and security all crowds around me --"HEY!!! It's the book sale girl!!!" So now I have about 10 security guys around me -- all having a grand ole time making fun of the fact that this is me, who got injured. So, they ask me if I want Hatzolah and all I could think of was -- NO! I know too many of those hockers, I certainly don't want them coming here - but they came and I only knew one guy (Y36). So we all know what happens when Diana has too much sugar and can't control herself, I act drunk so the other two Hatzolah guys (Y21 and Y31) kept asking me -- Are you drunk?! How much did you drink!? So, as always I was being really difficult and refused to go to the hospital, I mean come on I'm the infamous book sale girl -- If I can handle "Sam" Rosenberg, I can handle anyone! So then security told me it's time to go home -- so I attempt to start walking to the bus to go to midtown, but oh no -- my ankle decided, it really wanted to go to the hospital -- so we get Hatzolah back and they bring the stretcher -- and I look at them -- are you nuts! no way in the world am I getting on that thing in front of the ENTIRE student body and more! ( I sort of had to explain to them that I was a hocker and about 90% of those people know me!) so I limp to the ambulance -- but some people caught sight of me -- and then my phone proceeded to ring -- "oh my gosh, Diana's injured!" I even got some phone calls from people I don't even know!! Well, I go to the hospital, use my hocker skills and get us in and out of there in about an hour (not bad eh!?) So I call security to come get me and my friend -- but they were being a bit difficult -- so who else to call then Mr. Hocker par exellance! -- Shmulik! -- He knows how to get things done! He couldn't believe I was in the hospital, and was like oh my gosh, I'm coming to get you now! (See, look how nice he is!) but security came and brought me back to campus. More importantly, all I could think of was -- "why couldn't they have given me this cane DURING the Seforim Sale!? At least I would have had a weapon against all the boys! I mean, hey, it's tough being the only girl in command! In the end I got home and now the entire world over has been calling me to see if I'm ok! I leave you all with one message VOTE SHMULIK FOR YSU PRESIDENT! (Yes, I know that made absolutely no sense -- but hey what else is new?!)

Shmulik for President

2005-03-25T07:30:00.000-05:00

I decided to start using this space as campaign headquarters for the "Shmulik for President" fan club. Our holy leader Samuel has announced his intention to run for President of the Yeshiva Student Union. So what better place to back him up then at the official blog of his legions of supporters? Feel free to share your experience of why he'd be the best President in YU history. But try and keep the English simple, for obvious reasons.

Purim in Chicago

2005-03-24T22:02:00.000-05:00

Umm, how do I say...there is nothing happening here! Let me know what your plans in New York are. Most importantly, send me pictures!!! I'll only post them with permission. I want to hear how the YU Chagiga went...but pictures from the Stern party would also be greatly appreciated. Notes with names and numbers would be helpful.

Welcome!

2005-03-23T20:13:00.000-05:00

I can't believe we never thought of this before hand!!! I think we can thank Josh (for those who don't know Josh....well you're just missing out!) for really being the inspiration for this! I mean, what better way to declare we have no life, than through a blog!! Well, anyway I just wanted to welcome all of you to the official Camp SOY blog -- where anything goes! So have fun! Write something funny or crazy -- don't forget to make fun of others (ok, fine, be a little nice ok??) and most important have fun!! Don't forget to send it to all your friends who are going to be crying that they aren't as cool as you are (fine, they're probably thinking -- nebach....)! So ta ta for now and Chag Purim Sameach to all!! (IMPORTANT INFORMATION: Boys don't get too drunk -- and someone watch Shmulik, he's still underage!!)