Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Mr. Crocodile head...

My boss took a vacation for a week to New Orleans and he brought me back a gift. He handed me a bag and told me to open it up -- I open it up, a little nervous -- and out comes the head of a crocodile! Now, I've had Mr. Crocodile sit on my desk for a week or so, pondering what to name the little brute. I’ll give you a short description of my friend and then maybe you can get a picture of what he looks like. He has dark green/blackish crocodile skin, black marble stuffed into his sockets for eyes and lots and lots of sharp teeth. As I sit here looking at him, I’m saddened that I got him after the Seforim Sale. He would have been such a great tool for scaring off customers and on occasion Shmulik. Maybe next year, before the sale starts, I’ll stand in front of Belfer showing all potential workers what might happen to them if they start working for the sale… poor unfortunate soul…. Please post potential names as well as comments about Mr. Crocodile. There will be a special viewing of Mr. Crocodile at my birthday party this year (for those that remember last years party! – and Josh, please don’t wear that hideous tie!)


Blogger WillWorkForFood said...

1. Crikey (after the famous phrase coined by Australian croc-hunter/psychopath).
2. Bingo.
3. Scout.

9:03 AM  
Blogger Orlee said...

I'm thinking maybe you should convert him into a bag. It would be a perfect addition for the Observer's fashion section.

4:23 PM  
Blogger the_elder said...

1. Gucci
2. Prada
3. Coach
4. Fendi
The list just goes on and on, but you may just wanna try "Shmulik the younger"!!!

5:40 PM  
Blogger Ettie said...

i like craig the crocodile. (im a dork and always name my things like that--doug the dell...)

11:20 PM  
Blogger WillWorkForFood said...

Now come on, there's no need for you to preemptively poke fun at yourself, just wait and we'll do it for you: yes, you're a dork.

Oh, and since Diana said she would clarify things but I see she has yet to do so, I will assume the role of proxy and do so for her.

1. It's not a stuffed animal, i.e. a doll.
2. It's not a stuffed real head, i.e. taxodermy style.
3. It's just a head detached from the reptile's body.
4. It's eyes have been replaced with black marbles.
5. It's actually an alligator because it's bottom jaw aligns with its upper jaw and it's a grey-black color, whereas a crocodile's jaw doesn't align (that's why when it's mouth is closed it has scary bottom teeth sticking out, Jurassic-park style)and is normally of a tan-colored variety.

Summary: her boss (AKA sicko mcsicko) found a baby alligator, cut off its head, didn't stuff it, cut out its eyes and replaced them with marbles, and gave them as a present to Diana.
Analysis: This reflects very nicely on the relationship between Diana and her boss.
Conclusion: Diana, be wary of your head at all times in and around the office.

11:54 PM  
Blogger DianaNOW said...

Tabak, thanx for the clarification -- Also, I'm sorry but I had a small viewing of mr. crocodile (how are we going to choose? so many great names!)to Julie and Orlee -- so they are the privileged individuals to meet the little guy.

Also, I guess now that we have clarified my boss' ulterior motives to behead me and give my head to the next assistant that works for him, I guess it's good thing I'm quiting soon! Thank goodness I made it this far. But you were so kind to point out my boss' motives, how about becoming my body gaurd? you can watch my spit sucking techniques -- I'm sure you'll love it!

1:01 AM  
Blogger Orlee said...

As one of the ones priviliged to see "Mr. Crocodile Head" I think its important to tell you that he's somewhat eerie to be around. He is a dead crocodile and its bizarre.
Since he's too small to make a purse out of I think we hould make a change purse out of him. The teeth would make really funky earrings!

9:53 AM  
Blogger Josh said...

Sorry that it took so long for me to weigh in here. After reading your posts, I really am. A few points:

the_elder, since when did you become the_favorite?

ettie, with all due respect, I understand what Craig the Crocodile is. But what the #@$* is Doug the Dell?!?

Will work, please correct your assumptions about Diana's boss. He is a Doctor of Dental Science. The correct way to refer to him is DR. Sicko McSicko.

Diana - "you can watch my spit sucking techniques -- " I honestly don't know how to respond.

That all being said, I'm very happy that the Seforim Sale has found an appropriate mascot. This should definitely set the tone for handling customers, vendors, and University administrators alike.

9:47 AM  

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